


Like One of Karkat's Romcoms? (Vantascest)

by apocalypseWallflower



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst and Feels, Broken moirailegence, F/M, Feels, Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Sad Ending, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocalypseWallflower/pseuds/apocalypseWallflower
Summary: Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.





	1. Realizations and Lashing Outs

**~Karkat~**

"...and it's very imp9rtant t9 6e weary of what might hurt 9thers in any c9ntext. Furtherm9re..." There he goes, at it again, with his stupid lectures which I only pay part attention to. In fact, I think I'm the only one who listens to any of it at all. Most people probably don't hear a single word that spews out of his protein chute. _'Why is he so annoying? Doesn't he know that no one cares what he has to say?'_ Sighing, I realized he was still going on about how I should censor my language, which only irritated me further. All I wanted was some sleep and peace away from the fuckasses on the meteor. Mainly Gamzee, Terezi, and Dave. All of Kankri's talking is just giving me a headache. _'Why do I even bother?'_  

"Kat?" I suddenly heard him say.

"WHAT?" I replied, very much so annoyed. 

"I asked y9u a questi9n. Did y9u n9t hear me?"

"YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ME A QUESTION? TO WHICH I COULD RESPOND TO? AS IN A REAL CONVERSATION AND NOT YOU JUST GOING ON AND ON WITH A MONOLOGUE?"

"Yes..." Kankri seemed confused to why I had said what I said.

"IT'S JUST SURPRISING SINCE I CAN NEVER GET A SINGLE WORD IN AND I BET NOBODY ELSE CAN EITHER WITH ALL OF YOUR TALKING. IT'S LIKE PARAGRAPH AFTER PARAGRAPH OF TALKING THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T PAY A SINGLE OUNCE OF ATTENTION TO SINCE THEY DON'T CARE." At that Kankri seemed a bit hurt which sent a pain to my chest, but my stupid mouth kept going. "YOU KNOW, I'M SURPRISED I'M STILL EVEN HERE. I PROBABLY COULD HAVE WALKED AWAY BY NOW AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED." I faded away as I woke up. The hurt look on Kankri's face right before I did, as I was about to continue, was etched into my brain. Shaking my head, as if to remove the image physically, I stepped out of my recupracoon and headed towards the washing block, or to humans, a bathroom. Once done washing off of the slime, I went and sat in front of my husktop. Quickly checking it, finding nothing important, I thought about going back to sleep but decided against it in case I ran into Kankri and possible get the lecture of a lifetime. Yet, at the same time, I didn't want to be here. _'Can I just not exist? Like, is that an option?'_

My thoughts were interrupted by some nookwhiff knocking on the door to my respitblock. Sighing, I get up to answer the fucker. "WHAT DO YOU WANT EGBERT?" I asked as I noticed it was John who had knocked on my door. 

"Kanaya wants to know if you want to eat." He replied. 

Thinking for a second, I answer, "NO. NOW GO AWAY." Basically slamming the door in his face, I waited until I heard his footsteps disappear before I exited my block to find a dark corner to hide in. Knowing Kanaya, she'd come looking for me and will only give up if she can't find me. Walking down a hallway that's been pretty much forgotten, having nothing in it, I curled up in a corner. Once comfortable, my thoughts turned to Kankri and how he looked when I had said the things I said to him. The pain in my chest returned from before and I couldn't place why until, by trying to ignore it, I started thinking about Kankri's voice, his stupid sweater, and his _attractive_ face. _'Wait, attractive? How could I think that about my Danscestor?'_ Trying to rid myself of those thoughts, they turned to Terezi and how I haven't been as upset about her red relationship with Dave and her black one with Gamzee as I was before. _'Maybe I've just gotten used to it.'_ But that reason didn't seem right to me. After much more thinking on it and consideration of many other things that have been going on with me lately, I've come to the startling conclusion that I am _flushed_ for Kankri. _'Shit.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

It's been a week since the last time I slept, the last time I talked to Kankri, and the day I realized I was red for him. All it's gotten me, besides the ability to avoid Kankri, is irritability. So irritable that I never spoke except to shout profanities and other useless shit to everyone. Entering the nutrition block, I headed over to the, what humans call, refrigerator to grab a quick snack. 

"HeY bEsT fRiEnD~" Gamzee said beside me, making me drop the apple I had pulled out. 

"GAMZEE! DON'T DO THAT EVER AGAIN!" I don't even know why he bothers to talk to me now, we haven't in a while. "THAT IS SO ANNOYING."

"SoRrY kArBrO. DiDn'T mEaN tO sCaRe YoU."

"YEAH, WHATEVER. DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN." I replied with a huff. Unfortunately that was only the first time I would snap at someone for something with such a simple solution.

**_~~~~~_ **

"WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY THIS IS SO HARD FOR YOU TO GET, GAMZEE!" I was absolutely seething. "HOW COME YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?! I'M TRYING TO WATCH MY MOVIE AND ALL YOU DO IS ASK WHY THINGS ARE HAPPENING. IF YOU WOULD JUST PAY ATTENTION FOR ONCE THEN I WOULDN'T BE SO FRUSTRATED." To be honest, it was a dumb thing to be mad over since all I had to do was go to my respitblock and watch it, but no my mouth seemed to have a mind of it's own when I was so exhausted. 

"SoRrY kArBrO, i DiDn'T mEaN-"

"YOU DIDN'T MEAN WHAT?! TO INTERRUPTED ONE OF MY MOVIE SESSIONS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME ON THIS FUCKING ROCK?! I WAS TRYING TO RELAX AND WATCH SOMETHING I LIKE, NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES. MAYBE IF YOU-"

"Enough!" Gamzee and I turned our heads to see Dave, who had just practically screamed his lungs out, with John standing beside him, looking paralyzed. "Just cool it, guys."

"yeah. Gamzee, just leave Karkat alone for a bit, okay?" John started. "and Karkat, get some fucking sleep for real man."  This time I could actually keep my mouth shut and just stomped off towards my respitblock. After a while of just chaos, throwing all of my shit around, I settled down in my recupracoon and passed the fuck out.

**_~~~~~_ **

I 'awoke' in a normal looking dream bubble. Taking in the golden scenery, I looked straight ahead to Porrim basically charging at me. _'Great. Just as bad as a lecturing Kankri. No, scratch that, worse.'_

"What did yo+u do+ t0+ Kankri, Karkat?" She was obviously trying to keep calm. 

"I UH-" 

"No+ do+n't even answer that. I kno+w what yo+u said to+ him. I just want to+ kno+w why." 

"I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY. I WAS IRRITATED AND I GUESS I JUST TOOK IT OUT ON HIM. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AROUND AND HE WAS TALKING A LOT, LIKE USUAL, WHICH DOESN'T USUALLY GET TO ME THAT BADLY BUT I WAS IRRITABLE AND HE WAS GIVING ME A HEADACHE SO I JUST... LASHED OUT. I DIDN'T MEAN TO."

"Is that why yo+u haven't been sleeping, Karkat?"

"PART OF IT, YEAH."

"Well, I think yo+u sho+uld apo+lo+gize and make it up to+ him. Actually, yo+u better do+ just that." With that, she walked away. 

Opening my eyes, I was greeted by a pissed off Terezi. _'Just my luck.'_


	2. Apologies and Rude Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

“SO WHY H4V3 YOU B33N SO M34N TO 3V3YON3 LAT3LY, K4RKL3S?” Terezi narrowed her eyes at me.

“FUCK OFF, TEREZI.” Flipping her off, I rolled onto my side in my recupracoon to face away from her.

“K4RKL3S, YOU C4N’T 1GNOR3 US FOR3V3R.”

“WATCH ME.”

“F1N3, B3 TH4T W4Y. W3′R3 ONLY TRY1ING TO H3LP YOU.” With that, she walked out and slammed my door shut. _‘At least she closed it.’_

**_~~~~~_ **

Going back to sleep, I set out to find Kankri and apologize.

Going from dream bubble to dream bubble, I ran into a few of him, but none were the right Kankri. However, I refused to give up. If I wasn’t going to fix our, well whatever it is, then I have to apologize in the best way possible and putting it off will only make it worse. Never once did I go in the same direction for too long before changing direction.

Finally, I found the place where he and I first met, our usual spot to talk unless I end up in his hive. However, even after waiting for what felt like an eternity, he never showed up. Even the surrounding areas. As I was about to leave, hopefully to finally find him or someone who can help me do just that, I ran into Kanaya.

“Hello Karkat. It’s Been A Few Days Since You’ve Been Asleep You Know.” Kanaya said straight off the bat.

“NO, I DIDN’T KNOW, KANAYA. I’M TRYING TO FIND KANKRI SO I CAN APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING I SAID.” I replied.

“Well, It’s No Good To Stay In Here Longer Than Needed, Karkat. You Haven’t Eaten In A Very Long Time, I Think You Should Wake Up To Do Just That. I Will Not Be Playing Around Karkat, You Can Apologize In Due Time, But Your Health Comes First.”

“FINE, WHATEVER.” Letting myself to wake up, I looked towards my door to see Kanaya walking in. _‘Probably to make sure I got to the nutrition block with her to eat.’_ Sighing and rolling my eyes, I got up to wash off the slime and then followed Kanaya to where she had made some food for me. Eating quickly so I can go in search of Kankri again, but not eating to much so I’d get a stomachache, I felt a little uneasy that Kanaya was watching me. Once done, I set my dishes in the sink after rinsing them off and mumbled a ‘thank you’ to Kanaya before heading back to my respitblock. I could tell Kanaya wanted to talk to me about something, but I wouldn’t let her. All she would get is an unconvincing ‘I’m fine’ and the drop of the topic. _‘I don’t need her to treat me like a helpless Grub.’_

_**~~~~~** _

Sighing, I got out of my recupracoon, seeing as I couldn’t fall back asleep. _‘I guess apologizing to Gamzee is the next best thing.’_ Once the slime was washed off, I went looking for him. Gamzee was no where to be found in the main blocks of the hive, so I headed to his respitblock, hoping he was there alone. Knocking on the door, I soon heard footsteps coming towards the door. Suddenly, I was nervous as Gamzee swung the door open, just now realizing I didn’t know what I was going to say.

“HeY kArBrO, wHaT’s uP?” Gamzee said after a short moment of silence.

“I WANTED TO, UH, APOLOGIZE FOR GOING OFF ON YOU LIKE THAT. I SHOULD HAVE HANDLED IT BETTER AND NOT, YOU KNOW, YELLED AT YOU.” I was about to add in that I had been tired and cranky, but knew that was no excuse since I did it to myself. Gamzee just awkwardly nodded at me, probably assuming I had more to say. Thinking for a moment, I added, “SO, WE’RE STILL MOIRAILS, RIGHT?”

There was a long pause for Gamzee and I could feel my chest start to hurt, “AcTuAlLy, KaRbRo, I hAvE sOmEtHiNg To TeLl yOu...” Taking in a breath I didn’t know I was holding, I listen contently to what Gamzee had to say. “I dOn’T tHiNk We ShOuLd Be MoIrAiLs AnYmOrE...”

My voice caught in my throat and I just barely got out, “What...?”

“It’S nOtHiNg PeRsOnAl, KaRbRo. It’S jUsT, yOu ReAlLy NeEd A gOoD mOiRaIl, AnD i DoN’t ThInK i CaN dO iT, I’m SoRrY.”

“Yeah, okay...” I tried to hold back my tears as I headed back to the direction of my respitblock.

Realizing that there was a higher chance of someone finding me there, I changed course towards the dark hallway the held my ‘hiding spot.’ Sliding down into the corner, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Even after what felt like eternity, they kept sliding down my cheeks as I brought my knees up towards my chest, I watched as the disgusting red droplets of tears fell onto my pants and down my sweater. _‘I really didn’t deserve anyone there for me, did I?’_

Crying still, my eye lids started to get heavier and heavier until I was forced to close them. Soon after that, I was asleep.

**_~~~~~_ **

Taking in the look of the dream bubble, I soon realize that I’m in Kankri’s hive. _‘Good, now I can finally apologize to him. But what if the same thing happens that did with Gamzee? I’ll be completely alone, in both the waking world and in the dream bubbles...’_

My thoughts are broke off by Kankri coming down the stairs. He has a book in his hand, not wanting to make anything worse with him, I just wait for him to notice me. Stepping right in front of me, he suddenly jumps back.

“9h, Karkat, I didn’t see y9u there...” Kankri said.

“KANKRI, CAN WE TALK?” My eyes probably had a very pathetic look to them, but they weren’t lying.

“9f c9urse, Karkat. What is it?” He sounded worried. _‘Probably can see the tear streaks on my face from what happened in the real world.’_

“LOOK, KANKRI, I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF IT. I DON’T REALLY KNOW IF ANY OF YOUR SESSION MATES TOTALLY IGNORE YOU OR THAT THEY DON’T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. I DON’T EVEN TALK TO ANY OF THEM TO KNOW THAT. I SHOULDN’T HAVE LET MY IRRITATION GET THE BEST OF ME TO MAKE ME SAY ALL OF THOSE THINGS. I SHOULD HAVE JUST EXPLAINED THAT I DIDN’T REALLY WANT TO TALK AND SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT AT THAT. PLEASE, KANKRI, I’M REALLY SORRY...” Thinking for a moment, I continued, “I PROBABLY DON’T EVEN DESERVE YOUR FORGIVENESS RIGHT NOW, BUT HERE I AM ASKING FOR IT ANYWAYS.” Shifting from one foot to another, I waiting patiently for Kankri to say something, anything. It felt like forever before he talked again.

“Kat...”


	3. Spilling Somethings but not Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

"Kat, 9f c9urse I f9rgive y9u. What's a w9rld with9ut f9rgiveness? TW: Hugging." Kankri awkwardly wrapped his arms around me, I hugged back instantly. _'I  really am horns over heels, aren't I?'_ The hug didn't last long, but I was content with what I got. "S9, Kat, s9mething seems wr9ng. Why d9n't y9u tell me a69ut it?" Kankri said as I followed him to his respitblock. 

Sitting on his bed, I shook my head. "NO, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." 

"6ut, y9u really sh9uld. It's always 6etter t9 talk a69ut these things with s9m9ne and I'm willing t9 listen." _'I would much rather have you go on a long lecture rant than talk about how empty my quadrants are.'_ I decided against saying this aloud as it would probably convince him to continue to try to will me on.

"I REALLY RATHER NOT, KANKRI." I persisted. Giving in now would only prove more to myself how much I'm flushed for him.

"Well, then when, Kat? Y9u have t9 talk a69ut it s9metmime. Y9u can't and really sh9uldn't keep it in." Kankri persisted right back. _'He's so stubborn, like me...'_

"I DON'T KNOW. I was hoping never..." I basically mumbled the last part, hoping he wouldn't continue on with how I should tell someone about it.  

"I really wish y9u w9uld tell me, h9wever, if y9u d9 n9t feel up to it right this m9ment, I supp9se I can wait until y9u are ready t9 d9 s9." Kankri was really worried about my well being. _'Maybe I'll just tell him about what happened with Gamzee and nothing else. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.'_

"I-" Struggling to find my words, Kankri looked hopeful. "I HAD YELLED AT GAMZEE A BIT BACK AND EARLIER TODAY, WHEN I WAS STILL AWAKE, I WENT TO APOLOGIZE.." Kankri nodded, letting my know to continue. "WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID, BUT I WAS NEVER SURE WHAT HIS REACTION WOULD BE. SINCE HE'S GAMZEE, I PRETTY MUCH ASSUMED HE'D, YOU KNOW, JUST FORGIVE ME ON THE SPOT. NOTHING ELSE TO IT. WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT..."

"6ut that isn't what happened?" Kankri asked.

"NO, IT ISN'T." By now I was starting to tear up again. "ON THE SIDE OF ME APOLOGIZING, HE SEEMED CHILL WITH IT, BUT HE SAID HE WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING. I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WITH THAT SINCE GAMZEE ISN'T REALLY THE TYPE TO SPILL ANYTHING. WELL, HE TOLD ME- HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE MY MOIRAIL ANYMORE..."

"9h, Kat..."

Whipping my eyes, I replied, "IT'S OKAY. NOT LIKE HE WAS MUCH OF A MOIRAIL ANYWAYS." It came out more like a strangled sob. Kankri looked hurt by it too, or seemed to be anyways. 

"TW: Hugging, again." Kankri pulled me into a longer, tighter hug than before. It was nice while it lasted. "I'm sure y9u'll find an9ther m9irail, Kat." 

**_~~~~~_ **

It had been a little over a week since I apologized to Kankri and I was still in the dream bubble that held his respitblock. I really didn't want to leave, especially because there wasn't really anything for me in the waking world. Kankri, however, seemed really concerned with my well being. More so when I showed up. I knew he'd be a bit concerned with how thin I had got, but me not waking up for a whole week seemed to be weighing down quite a bit on him. _'I don't see why he's so worried, it's not like he's ever in the waking world anymore. Besides, shouldn't he be glad to have a bit of constant company for a while?'_ I know my thoughts were a bit selfish, but I really did not want to wake up. Plus, I wasn't sure I could after this long. My waking body hadn't eaten in a week and the last time I ate was very little and it was a while before that when I had eaten the time before. _'If he asks, I'll just say my body's too weak to. Even if it's true. He shouldn't be worrying so much about me. It's not like we're anything besides danscestors.'_

"Kat? Are y9u in there?" Kankri called from the other side of the door to his respitblock. 

"YEAH." _'Man, if I love anyone's nickname for me, it's his.'_

"Can we talk?" He asked as he entered the room. _'Please let it be something other than why I haven't woken up in the real world yet.'_

"SURE." I replied. 

"S9, Kat, y9u haven't w9ken up in a while." _'And there he goes...'_ "What's that all a69ut?" 

"NOTHING, KANKRI. MY REAL BODY MUST JUST BE TOO WEAK FOR ME TO WAKE UP." I tried my hardest to sound convincing. _'I hope he believes me, probably won't though.'_

"May6e s9 Kat, 6ut it's n9t healthy. Can't y9u try t9 wake up? I am really w9rried a69ut y9ur well-being." _'Don't give in and tell him the rest, Karkat, don't you dare.'_

"I'VE BEEN TRYING, KANKRI. I PROMISE." He seemed skeptical, but didn't press it any further. 

"Well, I asked the rest 9f y9ur sessi9n mates if they c9uld try t9 wake y9u up. I h9pe y9u aren't triggered by that." _'Good thing no one knows where my 'hiding spot' is.'_

"NO, OF COURSE NOT." I gave a light, reassuring smile.

"That's g99d. Well, is there anything y9u w9uld like t9 d9 while y9ur still here?" He seemed a bit more relaxed but still worn out. 

"MAYBE WE COULD WATCH ONE OF MY MOVIES?" I suggested. 

"If that's what y9u want t9 d9, sure." Kankri replied.

"OKAY, I'LL GO PUT THE DISC INTO THE VIEWING DEVICE. YOU WANNA GET SOME SNACKS?"

"Alright. Sure, Kat. I'll whip s9mething up f9r us." And with that we both exited his respitblock and set off to do our designated jobs. _'Hopefully I can lead him on for a while before he starts getting really suspicious of what's really going on.'_


	4. Lonliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Just a few hours after my talk with Kankri, I finally feel relaxed. However, it doesn't last for long. Kankri sits down beside me, after a moment he says, "L99k Kat, I can tell s9mething is bugging y9u besides the l9ss 9f y9ur m9irail. If it triggers y9u t9 talk a69ut it with me, fine. 6ut please talk t9 s9me9ne a69ut it. I will remind y9u 9f what I said 6ef9re, h9lding it in d9es n9thing f9r y9u. Please Kat, I'm 9nly trying t9 help y9u." _'Dammit, Kankri! Stop looking at me with those big, sad, worried eyes. They're starting to get to me.'_

"I SAID BEFORE, IT'S NOTHING, KANKRI." I replied. Not only trying to convince Kankri this time, but also myself. _'It really shouldn't bother me.'_

"I can tell that it's n9t n9thing, Kat." 

"I JUST FEEL SO FUCKING LONELY OUTSIDE OF THE DREAM BUBBLES..." _'Fucking Dammit!!!'_

"9h, Kat. I'm sure they care a69ut y9u." 

"YEAH, WELL THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T FUCKING SHOW IT BESIDES KANAYA WHEN SHE WORRIES ABOUT MY HEALTH. AND EVEN SHE'S TOO CAUGHT UP WITH ROSE TO EVEN NOTICE UNLESS IT GETS SERIOUSLY NOTICEABLE." And there I go with the crying again. _'I'm such a wriggler.'_

"She d9esn't mean to ign9re y9u 9r 9therwise trigger y9u. Y9u kn9w that, d9n't y9u?" Kankri seemed desperate to get me to see what he saw too. And I did, I know she really cares, she just gets side-tracked a lot.

"YEAH, I KNOW THAT. IT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY LESS FUCKING ALONE, THOUGH." 

"What a69ut the 9thers? d9n't y9u talk t9 them?" 

"NOT REALLY. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ANY OF THEM. EVEN LESS SO NOW THAT GAMZEE IS NO LONGER MY MOIRAIL." _'Karkat, stop spilling all of this shit you fuckass! If you don't stop right now you could confess and then you'll have nothing. Not even in the dream bubbles.'_  

"I wish I c9uld help y9u 9ut, 6ut I'm unf9rtunately stuck here. The 6est advice I can give y9u is f9r y9u t9 talk to y9ur sessi9n mates a69ut what's 6een g9ing 9n. TW: Hugging." I was brought into an awkward embrace by Kankri and it felt good as usual. It was in this moment I realized that he has been way more 'touchy feely' and I haven't gotten a single lecture the entire time I've been here. Even when I swear. _'Maybe he was seriously hurt by what I said before. I hope not, I'm flushed for Kankri because he's himself not because he's pretending to be someone else.'_ After a few minutes, Kankri let go and started talking again, "S9, will y9u please wake up? Y9u can visit whenever, 6ut y9ur health seri9usly c9mes first, Kat. And y9u really sh9uld at least talk t9 Kanaya a69ut what y9u've t9ld me." 

"FINE." _'Goddamn I give into him easily. But there is no fucking way I'm talking to anyone else about any of this.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

Taking in the scenery of the darkened hallway, it had taken me a bit to wake up and it was hard to keep my eyes open let alone stand up. Once I finally got my balance under control, I made my way towards the nutrition block to get something in my system before I collapsed. Luckily, no one else was there and it was peaceful as I got myself something to eat. Walking back to my respitblock, with food in hand, I passed the living block where Rose & Kanaya and Dave & Terezi were cuddled on the couch watching something. All it did was put me in a foul mood. I was, however, thankful that they were too busy with each other to notice me. _'I'm sure John is in the dream bubbles with Vriska and Gamzee is in there as well with Tavros. This made me realize that even though they have people they miss in the dream bubbles, John has Dave as his 'best bro' and someone he can count on. And Gamzee, well he has Terezi in the black quadrant. Which means everyone on this gog forsaken rock to at the very least hang out with and talk to. And I have no one.'_ Finally making it to my block, I sit down in front of my husktop as I eat the rest of the food I had gotten from the nutrition block. Once done with that, I decide to attempt to go back to sleep, not wanting to be in the waking world anymore. 

**_~~~~~_ **

After a few hours of tossing and turning in my recupracoon, I realize that getting any actual sleep is futile. Getting out, I head to the washing block and wash the slime off. Heading back into my respitblock, I look around for something, anything, to do and stop myself from thinking bad thoughts like how Kankri will never feel the same way for me. And... there they go. Eyeing my husktop then spotting my pile of DVDs, I get an idea. 

Going through my pile, the first one I decide to watch is "50 First Dates" with troll Adam Sandler. Bringing it over to my husktop and sitting down, I turn it on and plop the DVD in. The options for what to do with the disc pops up fast and I click 'play.' The title sequence starts and I feel quite content for a while.

**_~~~~~_ **

In the middle of watching what I think to be the 25th movie in my pile, my mood starts to really spiral downhill. _'Why do they always get the one they want besides in the event of death? Why can't I have that? Is it because I'm a mutant blood? Am I not worthy of such things because of that small fact? Would anyone really miss me besides Kanaya for a short while? What if I don't even deserve to end up in the dream bubbles? Kankri deserves to be alive and happy. Not me. I'm just a loudmouth. I get angry too easily. Maybe I should have just never been born. Yes, I'm sure everyone would be happier that way.'_ In my fit of pity and self-loathing I somehow had found my way into my recupracoon. Soon, I was no longer in the waking world. 


	5. OH SHIT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Looking around, I realised I was in a normal dream bubble. _'I hope I don't run into Kankri. Gog only knows how much he'll coddle me if he finds me like this.'_ Attempting to hide myself in my sweater, I was thankful not that many people were around. Walking through the dream bubble, I was trying to find a peaceful, empty place to wallow in my own pity. As I was just about out of the bubble, I ran into red. _'Damn.'_

"9h hell9 Kat." He greeted after a moment.

"HI." I greeted back.

"Are y9u 9kay, Kat?"

"YEAH." _'Oh no oh no oh no!'_ Tears weld up in my eyes and I couldn't stop them from flowing.

"C9me 9n, let's find s9mewhere m9re private." Kankri wrapped an arm around my shoulders and lead me towards what I assume to be his hive. Still crying, I followed him to his respitblock. Kankri rubbed comforting circles on my back while I let myself cry.

Once I got my breathing under control, Kankri asked, "D9 y9u want t9 talk a69ut it, Kat?" I couldn't stop myself from nodding. _'I play so much into his hand it's pathetic.'_

"IT'S JUST ABOUT ME FEELING LONELY STILL..."

"Is that all? Cause it d9esn't seem t9 6e the 9nly thing 69thering y9u." I tried to nod, but my body worked against me and I ended up shaking it as a 'no' instead. _'Damn these flushed feelings.'_ "What's the 9ther thing 69thering y9u?"

"I- I REALISED THAT ANYONE I'VE EVER LIKED IN RED OR HATED IN BLACK HAVE NEVER FELT THE SAME TOWARDS ME. AND NO LONGER HAVING A MOIRAIL MEANS MY QUADRANTS ARE COMPLETELY EMPTY. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE EXPERT AT THIS SHIT AND I CAN'T EVEN KEEP A MOIRAIL... SORRY. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME COMPLAIN LIKE A WRIGGLER."

"May6e so, 6ut I want t9 listen. I want t9 help y9u if I can." Hearing him say that gave me the urge to confess right then and there, but I held the urge back. "S9, c9ntinue t9 vent if y9u need, Kat. I'm all ears."

"WELL, TEREZI LIKED DAVE INSTEAD OF ME AND JOHN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND TROLL ROMANCE WELL ENOUGH TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH IT WHEN I HAD THAT BLACK CRUSH ON HIM. AND HE ALSO DIDN'T FEEL THAT WAY FOR ME. AND IT SEEMS GAMZEE HAS MOVED ON PRETTY FAST LIKE HE'D BEEN PLANNING BREAKING OFF OUR MOIRAILEGENCE FOR A WHILE. AND NOW, THIS NEW PERSON I LIKE IN RED HAS NO CHANCE OF LIKING ME THE SAME WAY BACK." At that, Kankri seemed hurt but only for a second. "AND THERE'S NO WAY I CAN TELL HIM-THEM THAT I'M FLUSHED FOR HIM-THEM BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T. I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE MUCH MORE REJECTION, KANKRI."

"What made this c9me a69ut?" He asked after a minute.

"I COULDN'T FALL BACK ASLEEP AFTER I HAD EATEN EARLIER SO WHAT BETTER THAN TO WATCH ALL OF MY FAVOURITE MOVIES?" Kankri nodded to let me know I can continue. "WELL IT WAS NICE AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE OF WATCHING THE MOVIES I REALISED THEY ALWAYS GET WHO THAT WANT AND I NEVER DO. I SUPPOSE I FELL ALSEEP."

Still holding back the urge to confess, Kankri asked, "W9uld it 6e triggering if y9u t9ld me wh9 y9u're flushed f9r?"

"I REALLY DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT TO ANYONE..."

"Any reas9n why n9t, Kat?" _'Because I'm in love with my dancestor.'_

"IT'S JUST EMBARRASSING AND IF I TELL SOMEONE, I'LL EVENTUALLY TELL THE PERSON I'M FLUSHED FOR."

"9h, 9kay. That makes sense." He seemed upset when I refused to tell him who it is. _'Don't you dare cave, Karkat Vantas. Don't you fucking dare.'_

"YEAH..." Was all I could say without going off again. ' _You've already told him too much. Do not continue.'_

"Anything else y9u'd like t9 talk about, Kat?" Biting my tongue, I shook my head. _'Trying to keep this secret in is harder than I thought.'_

"ACTUALLY..." _'No! Stop! You'll ruin everything with him! Please stop.'_ By now I had started crying again and Kankri pulled me into a comforting hug. While he was rubbing comforting circles on my back, I tried to force myself to say something along the lines of 'never mind' but nothing would come out so I just stayed in Kankri's arms and warmth for a while. _'This is as good as it's going to get, please Karkat, don't do anything to ruin this.'_ Whenever I tried to talk, they came out as choked sobs. _'Just say never mind. It's not fucking hard you fucking wriggler. Stop being such a burden to Kankri. He doesn't deserve your assholery.'_

It was a while before either of us talked again, and it was Kankri, "Y9u d9n't have t9 tell me if y9u aren't up t9 it, Kat." Letting out a strangled sob, I nodded to let him know I understood.

"I LIED WHEN I GAVE THE REASON FOR NOT WANTING TO TELL YOU." He signalled for me to go on. _'No stop. He'll never like you back nookwhiff. He'll think you're gross and then you'll have nobody at all.'_ "YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND."

"N9, Kat. Y9u were g9ing t9 say s9mething. If y9u d9n't get it 9ut n9w, y9u m9st certainly never will." Kankri edged on. But then retracted, "S9rry, I didn't mean f9r it t9 c9me 9ut s9 harsh. Do9n't tell me until y9ur ready, Kat." My heart ached to tell him, it really did, but I kept reminding myself that it was futile cause he'll never like me back. Ever.

"YEAH, I'LL DO THAT." _'Hopefully not.'_

"G99d. It's always 6est t9 admit these things. Even if it takes a while t9 c9nfince y9urself t9 d9 s9." _'Damn it Kankri. Stop pulling the 'it's always best to tell card,' you're killing me here. All I want to do is avoid doing just that, tell you or anyone for that matter. The inevitable rejection from you will be bad enough, I don't need other people knowing about it and making fun of me from falling in with my danscestor.'_

Nodding, I went to try to wake up, but Kankri pulled me close again and I didn't want to leave. _'I better before I confess.'_ "I-" _'No no no!'_ "I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO I AM FLUSHED FOR BECAUSE." _'No, stop right there Karkat Vantas! Just wake up! You can do it!'_ "YOU'RE THE ONE I'M FLUSHED FOR." Eyes going wide, I ran into a corner and forced myself to wake up even though I knew I wasn't ready to. _'No you've done it. You're alone now and forever.'_ Crying, I sunk down onto the floor, not caring that I was covered in slime. _'I have no one now.'_


	6. Sleep Deprivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

After a while of just sulking in my room, I decided it best that I keep myself occupied. Less chance of me falling asleep that way. Getting on my husktop, I browsed the internet for a long while before I took out the movie that was in there and put a new one in to watch. _'They may dampen my mood but I need something to do that I'll be able to pat attention to. Besides, it will not be as bad as having to face Kankri.'_ Snapping out of my thoughts just as the title sequence came up, I quickly pressed play, not wasting anymore time wallowing in my self-loathing. _'I'll have plenty of time for that once my body is forced to shut down and I'm left to actually talk to Kankri about what happened and what I said.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

Literally pushing Kanaya out of my room for, I think, about the 5th time this day alone, I sighed and ran my hand through my hair while the other one locked the door behind her. _'Why won't she just leave me alone? Why can't anyone leave me alone?'_

About fifteen minutes after, I heard a knock on the door and Kanaya's voice. "I Have Food For You, Karkat. Please Do Eat. You Haven't In Quite Sometime Now. I Will No Longer Force You To Come Out, But You Really Should Eat. It's What's Best For Your Well-being." With that, I heard her footsteps retreating. Sighing, I quickly got up, opened the door, grabbed the plate of food, and shut & locked the door right after.

Eating slowly, I payed more attention to my movies than whatever I was eating. Once done, I put the plate outside of my door in one swift motion. Making sure to lock my door again. _'Wouldn't want anyone to sneak in or something.'_ Going back to my movies, it was easy to keep the bad thoughts away as long as I payed attention to the movie and only the movie.

**_~~~~~_ **

Most of the days following my outburst of confession to Kankri became routine. I'd stay up and keep myself occupied, the only time I would leave in the slightest was to nab the food from the other side of my door and to shower. Not that showering was a huge part of my days but I would do whenever I felt dirty. Watching my movies was my main way of distraction from the reality of all that had happened, however I did indulge in playing games every-so-often when my movies got a little bit too repetitive. It had been about a week and a half since that dreaded day and I ignored every little (and big) thing my body used to tell me to go to sleep. _'If I could last for much longer than this before playing this stupid game, I can drag out the inevitable for just as long.'_ Sighing, I stood up and stretched my back. Realising I hadn't heard anything from anyone in a while, I decided to go see what was up. Sneaking to the main blocks of the house, I heard forces in the nutrition block. Luckily there was a door, so I put my ear to it.

"What will we do about Karkat, Kanaya? He rarely eats and he sure as hell hasn't slept. We all know it isn't healthy and we want to help, even if he doesn't want it. Plus, we all know Kankri will be very upset if we let Karkat go on this way." It was Rose. _'Yeah right, he doesn't care about me that much. Definitely not anymore if he ever did before.'_

"You Are Very Right, Rose. I, However, Think It's Best To Try And Help Anyway We Can But We Shouldn't Do Anything Too Rash Now. I Say That We Wait At Most Another Like Week And A Half Before Any Of Us Try To Talk To Him." Kanaya replied.

"are you sure about that? is it a good idea i mean?" It was Dave who talked this time.

"Yes I Do. Now To Set Something Up So We Don't Fail At This." By now I had enough and just barely contained myself on my way back to my respitblock. Practically slamming my door shut, I paced back and forth thinking of any possible ways out of this, but I couldn't see any that was full proof. _'Guess I'm going to be facing whatever Kanaya has to say.'_ Calming myself down, I turn back to watching movies like I had been doing for a while. _'I have a week and a half to think of something anyways.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

And boy did that week and a half fly by fast. Soon, I was mostly just waiting anxiously for Kanaya to come in all mother hen like. But mostly for it to be over with. _'Remember, all I have to do is nod and act like I'm listening. But don't take any of it to heart.'_ Sighing, I tried my hardest to relax. It wasn't long before someone, most likely Kanaya, was knocking on my door. _'And it starts.'_ Sighing, I worked up the courage to open my door instead of just ignoring it like usual. 

Kanaya basically pushed her way into my room. "Okay, Down To Business. You Have Not Slept In Three Weeks, Karkat Vantas. That Is Very Bad For Your Health. Now, I Normally Don't Reprimand You For Not Sleeping, However Being That You Had Finally Got What Would Be Considered A Normal Sleep Schedule, It Harms You To Try And Back Track. Especially With How Little You've Been Eating On Top Of That. Also, Ignoring Us Is Not Good For Your Social Well-Being. Now, I Know You Have Grown Quite Close To Your Danscestor, Kankri. If You Will Not Talk To Me About What's Going On Then I Advise That You Talk To Him. Speaking Of Kankri, He Insisted That I Let You Know That He Has Some Very Important Things To Discuss With You." I could only nod. I did not expect for it to be this bad. "Do Not Think You Can Pretend To Take My Words To Consideration Just To Blow Me Off, Karkat. I Will Be Constantly Checking On You Until Everything Goes Back To A Good Normal." _'Gog, she wasn't going to let this go is she?'_ "Am I Clear?" 

"YES, VERY." 

"Good, Now Get Some Sleep. I Mean It."  Once doing the thing that means 'I'll be watching,' Kanaya stepped out. Sighing for what felt like the 1000th time today, I decided the inevitable was finally upon me and there was no getting out of it this time. _'Well, hello rejection. Goodbye anything keeping me happy.'_  


	7. Not Deserving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Groaning, I looked around Kankri's hive. _'I Couldn't have some peace before having to face him, could I?'_ Walking into his living block, I noticed him on the couch watching something. Unfortunately for me, he saw me right away. Pausing whatever he was watching, he motions for me to sit next to him. Sitting down, I made sure I got the first words, "LOOK, KANKRI, I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE ME BACK. REJECTION IS INEVITABLE, ESPECIALLY FROM YOU. BEING A CELIBATE AND ALL. HEH, NOT LIKE I DESERVE FOR YOU TO BE FLUSHED FOR ME BACK. HELL, I DON'T EVEN DESERVE A MOIRAIL LET ALONE A KISMESIS OR MATESPRIT. I DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING, NOT LOVE, NOT HATE, NOT PITY, NOT CARE, NOT EVEN LIFE. YOU AND YOUR SESSION MATES SHOULD ALL BE THE ONES STILL ALIVE, KANKRI. IN FACT, THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOULD BE DEAD IS ME. EVEN VRISKA DESERVES TO BE HAPPY. WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET AT IS I KNOW YOU WON'T FEEL THE SAME AND I NEVER INTENDED TO TELL YOU. IN FACT, I WAS REALLY TRYING NOT TO. BUT NOW IT'S TOO LATE, I'VE DUG THAT HOLE AND I'VE PROBABLY RUINED WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP WE HAD BEFORE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT OR WANT TO HEAR MY SOB STORY. YOU PROBABLY JUST WANTED TO TELL ME TO GET OUT OF AND STAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD. LEAVING ME ALL ALONE. MAYBE-"

"Shut up!" Blinking, I looked at Kankri, confused. _'Did he seriously just say what I think he said?'_ He seemed frustrated, which made me more confused. I expected upset, angry, infuriated, disgusted but not frustrated. "Kat, just shut up and let me talk." Kankri said after a moment, calming a bit. "Trust me, if any9ne deserves any 9f that, it's y9u." I was about to interject, but he stopped me, "N9, y9u will listen t9 what I have t9 say and y9u will listen g99d." I nodded for him to go on. "Y9u deserve the l9ve that 9ur anscest9r had, and d9 y9u kn9w why?" I shrugged and Kankri continued, "6ecause y9u try s9 hard n9t 9nly t9 make y9urself happy 6ut th9se ar9und y9u as well. Y9u tried y9ur 6est at leading them and even if y9u haven't succeeded yet, I kn9w y9u will in the end. 6ecause, even th9ugh y9u didn't like h9w Terezi g9t t9gether with Dave in red and then with Gamzee in black, y9u never 9nce went 9ff 9n them f9r it. Even th9ugh y9u kept it b9ttled up f9r a l9ng time and I d9n't agree with that, y9u never 9nce lashed 9ut at any 9f them 6ecause she liked them in th9se ways 9ver y9u. Y9u never 9nce tried t9 make their lives misera6le all 6ecause y9u were. N9t 9nly that, 6ut unlike me y9u didn't give up on l9ve right away either. Y9u let y9urself l9ve again even if y9u didn't kn9w it. That's a much larger feet than me. The m9ment I was rejected, I shut myself away and tried very very hard n9t t9 feel that way f9r any9ne else. I tried s9 hard, Kat, that after a while I seemed numb t9 it. 6ut I wasn't, I was 6eing c9wardly, pretending like th9se feelings didn't exist f9r me. Y9u were t9tally right a69ut what y9u said 6efore, n9 9ne really cares a69ut what I have t9 c9nstantly vent a69ut. While, yes I d9 care a69ut all th9se things I talk a69ut, they are there as a mechanism t9 save me fr9m falling in l9ve with any9ne else. I'm a pathetic c9ward, Kat, and every9ne kn9ws it. Even y9u, whether y9u see it 9r n9t. Hell, even me 6eing celi6ate is a way t9 pr9tect myself fr9m anym9re pain. Y9u deserve much m9re than me, y9u just can't see it 6ecause y9u're 6linded 6y y9ur 9wn self-hate. Why y9u feel anything f9r me at all is c9nfusing t9 me. Why y9u see anything in me 6esides a pathetic tr9ll is un6ekn9wnst t9 me. Y9u sh9uld really learn t9 l9ve y9urself, Kat, even just a little. Y9u'd surprised with h9w many care a69ut y9u and wh9 truly l9ves y9u." Every single thing he said hit me right in the core. _'That's what he thinks of himself? The one out of us who always seems so confident in everything even when he knows very little about what he's talking about? Where was I when he was thinking all these things and not getting comforted for them?'_

"I CAN'T DO THAT KANKRI." I was done listening to his monologue. _'He doesn't know what he's talking about.'_ "BESIDES, YOU DON'T SEEM TO LOVE YOURSELF." I retorted. 

"It's hard t9 d9 that when n9 9ne else has sh9wn me I sh9uld."

"WELL, I LOVE YOU SO THAT'S A START, ISN'T IT?" 

"I supp9se." He seemed to think for a moment before continuing, "Y9u kn9w, Kat. Everything I said was true. Well, at least everything a69ut y9u. Y9u d9 deserve l9ve and t9 6e cared f9r. Even if the 9thers d9n't see that in y9u. 6ecause, I kn9w the real y9u. The 9ne wh9 hides 6ehind swear w9rds and anger. The 9ne wh9, in reality, has 9ne 9f the biggest hearts 9ut 9f every9ne. The 9ne, wh9 deep d9wn, isn't as c9nfident as he makes pe9ple 6elieve. The 9ne wh9's scared 9f rejecti9n and getting hurt. The same pers9n wh9 hides his 6l99d c9l9r even n9w f9r fear 9f n9t 6eing accepted and the pain that may 9r may n9t f9ll9w. The 9ne wh9 takes his anger 9ut 9n 9thers 6ecause if he d9esn't, all 9f that anger and frustrati9n w9uld 6e definitely taken 9ut 9n himself. The 9ne wh9, even n9w, still 6elieves he isn't w9rthy 9f l9ve 9r pity 9r even care fr9m 9thers. The same pers9n wh9 is sitting right in fr9nt 9f me, spilling everything t9 me, his talkative danscest9r wh9 never kn9ws when t9 st9p talking. The 9ne wh9 has d9ne that same thing many times 6ef9re 6ecause he definitely seems t9 trust me. The 9ne wh9 I th9ught definitely w9uld never fall in l9ve with me 9f all pe9ple 6ut pr9ved me wr9ng." Kankri paused, for seemingly dramatic affect. "The very same Karkat Vantas wh9, after all this time, is the 9nly 9ne a6le t9 keep my heart f9r s9 l9ng. The 9ne I am very much s9 flushed f9r." Not even half-way through, I felt my jaw drop. _'He loves me back?'_ Before I even got a chance to say anything, I woke up.


	8. Finally Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Smiling like an idiot for like ten minutes, I finally got out of my recupracoon. Heading to the washing block to get clean, the hive seemed unusually quiet. Getting out and dressed, I headed to the nutrition block. Walking in, everyone turned to me in surprise. 

"Karkat, It's Good To See You. How Are You?" Kanaya asked.

"I'M GOOD." I replied. 

"Well, I Whipped Something Up For Lunch. Come Join Us?" 

"SURE, WHY NOT." 

"I'm glad you're feeling better." Rose said after a moment. All I could do was nod, not really having anything to reply with. 

"So, I'm Assuming Your Talk With Kankri Went Well?" Kanaya asked.

"VERY WELL." There was no way I was going to tell them about our confessions. The rest of the meal was pretty silent for the most part besides Dave and John fooling around and making ("ironic") jokes. 

Once done with dinner, I mumbled a just audible 'thank you' to Kanaya and headed back to my respitblock. Being still tired, I laid down in my recupracoon and drifted off to sleep.

**_~~~~~_ **

Walking up behind Kankri in his nutrition block, I wrapped my arms around him making him jump in surprise. "G9g, Kat. D9 warn a tr9ll 6ef9re y9u d9 s9mething like that." 

Chuckling, I replied, "SORRY KANNY, JUST WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU." 

Narrowing his eyes, Kankri retorted, "Was that a new nickname I heard? Y9u kn9w h9w I feel a69ut any9ne giving me a nickname 6ef9re asking." 

"YES, IT IS A NEW NICKNAME. DO YOU LIKE IT?" 

"Hmm. It's very tasteful. I will give y9u that." 

"GOOD." There were a few minutes of awkward silence before I asked what I had wanted to, "DID YOU MEAN IT EARLIER WHEN YOU SAID YOU FELT FLUSHED FOR ME?" Suddenly the hem of my shirt was very interesting. 

Kankri put his hand under my chin to make me look at him, "9f c9urse I meant it, Kat. Why w9uld I lie t9 y9u?" 

"I DON'T KNOW... maybe as some cruel joke on me..." I mumbled. "I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE." 

Unfortunately, Kankri heard my worries, "I w9uld never, in a milli9n years, think 9f 9r want t9 d9 that t9 y9u. Y9u're preci9us t9 me." That right there made my face and mood light up. Quickly, I pulled him into a hug, as if I didn't he would just disappear right in front of me forever. 

Kankri and I cuddled on his couch as we watched a movie. _'I don't think I've ever been this happy before in my whole life.'_ That happiness wasn't meant to last forever though. 

**_~~~~~_ **

Looking around my respitblock, after returning to the waking world from my, now, regular visits with Kankri. Hopping into the shower, I let my mind freely wander, however, that was a bad idea. _'What if, when we beat the game, Kankri and the others can't come with us? I'd never be able to live in a world like that. Or, what if they can but they'll still only be in the dream bubbles? I'd only be able to see him when I'm asleep. Like I do now... The only way I can really be with Kankri is to live in the dream bubbles with him but what happens if the games beat and they all disappear with me in them? What would happen then? Would I even have a consonance at that point?'_ Shaking my head, I stepped out and dried off. Standing in front of a mirror, I asked myself a very important question that I didn't yet know the answer to, _'Would I rather stay here and help Kanaya and them beat this dreaded game or die and stay with Kankri?'_ Both seemed like good options, especially if by beating the game I still get to stay with Kankri. However, both options had many possible outcomes that I was very unsure about. Calming myself down, I headed towards the nutrition block for the first meal of the day.

**_~~~~~_ **

_'It's not fair, is it? That Kankri and I can only see each other when I'm asleep. There's a lot we can't do. I mean, sure, we have a bit more privacy in here but that's not enough to make the cons any better. If only I could sleep forever without Kankri getting so worried or reprimanding me for 'n9t taking well en9ugh care' of myself. All I want to do is be with him. Nothing else. I can only truly be happy with Kankri. I mean, even if I don't actually deserve to be with him as much as I want, he definitely deserves that happiness.'_ My mind just kept wandering as I was curled up with Kankri on his couch in the dream bubble. We were watching a movie I had picked out, but I couldn't seem to focus on it. Curling up closer to Kankri, I tried my hardest to focus on only the here and now, I really did. _'What if Kankri gets bored of me or wants to break up because we can't see each other as much as he wants? What would I do the-'_

"Kat." Kankri said all of a sudden. All I could do was hum in response, letting him know I had heard him. "I s9mething wr9ng? I've 6een trying to get y9ur attention f9r a few minutes n9w." _'Oh, great. I've worried him again.'_

"OH, NO. EVERYTHING'S FINE. I GUESS I WAS JUST PAYING TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE MOVIE. WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY OR WHATEVER?" I replied.

"N9thing t99 imp9rtant." Kankri didn't say anything again for a few minutes. "I l9ve y9u. Y9u kn9w that, right?" 

"YEAH, OF COURSE I KNOW THAT. I LOVE YOU, TOO." Kankri pull me as close as he could and we went back to watching the movie. I forced myself to only think about how much he truly is flushed for me and how close we were. _'Everything will fall into place in the end. I hope...'_

**_~~~~~_ **

I can tell Kankri has been really concerned lately. He tries to be up-beat and happy but I can see the worry in his eyes. I know I haven't been making things easy for him lately, getting much more sleep than I need, but I want to see him as much as possible. It's all I can think about lately. I'm always worried that _'this time might be that last time I get to see him,'_ and it's plaguing my thoughts. I don't want it to, I try to stop the thoughts from coming, but they won't go away. _'Why can't I stop being such a worried wriggler and just be happy?'_

Entering the dream bubble, earlier than usual, I find Kankri asleep on his couch. Deciding against bringing him to his room, since I'm not sure he'll appreciate it especially if he wakes up, I grab a blanket and cover him up. Sitting on one of the chairs thing the room, I watched Kankri as he slept. _'He looks so peaceful.'_ It wasn't long before he started to stir awake. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he looked around the room.

Upon spotting me, he said, "9h, hell9 Kat. Y9u're here much earlier than usual. Any particular reas9n why?"

"NOT REALLY, HAD NOTHING TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY. GUESS I JUST FELL ASLEEP." _Lie._

"hmm." Kankri was always very skeptical whenever I came up with a reason like that, but he usually doesn't push it further. "Why d9n't y9u c9me here?" Getting off of his chair, I sat next to him on the couch and we cuddled. A few minutes later, Kankri spoke again, "Y9u kn9w, Kat. I can always tell if there's s9mething wr9ng with y9u. Mind telling me a69ut it?" _'And there we go. Might as well stop fighting it, he'll get it out of me eventually. Always does.'_

Sighing, I answered Kankri, "I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW WE ONLY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER IN THE DREAM BUBBLES. AND IT MAKES ME DEP-SAD, KANNY, REALLY SAD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I TRY TO IGNORE THESE THOUGHTS BUT THEY JUST KEEP COMING. I JUST REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU, KANKRI, ALL OF THE TIME." There, I had done it, voiced my feelings to Kankri yet again. It felt oddly nice.

Kankri brought me closer to him and replied to my ramblings, "I understand h9w y9u feel, Kat, 6ut giving up 9n y9ur life is n9t s9mething I want f9r y9u. Yes, I d9 wish y9u c9uld 6e here m9re 9ften 6ut that is n9t the way y9u sh9uld g9 9ut if at all. Pr9mise me y9u will at least try t9 keep g9ing, Kat?"

"I PROMISE, KANKRI." _'Only for Kankri, my Kankri.'_


	9. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**Karkat~**

After thinking on the matter of dream bubbles and such, I decided to research any possible ways to bring everyone back from the dream bubbles. So far, most of it has been a bust. It's all I did when I wasn't visiting Kankri. Sighing, I gave up for the day and got into my recupracoon. Falling asleep quickly, I ended up in Kankri's hive. Entering his respitblock, he was on his husktop, typing away. Standing behind his chair, I wrapped my arms around him making him jump slightly. 

"SORRY, KANNY, DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU." I said before he could. 

"Right, well, I supp9se that's 9kay, Kat." He replied.

"UH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY, KANKRI?" 

"Everything's just peachy." He seemed a bit on edge or something. 

"ARE YOU SURE? SOMETHING SEEMS WRONG." 

"May6e there is, may6e there isn't."

"UM, KANKRI, YOU'RE SERIOUSLY CREEPING ME OUT. WHAT'S GOING ON? DID I DO SOMETHING?" 

"N9 Kat, it's what y9u aren't d9ing." 

"WHAT?" 

"I heard fr9m Kanaya that y9u haven't 6een leaving y9ur respit6l9ck. Why is that?" 

"NO REASON. LOOK, KANKRI, IT'S NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. I'M FINE. JUST SPENDING A BIT TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HUSKTOP IS ALL." _'How does he always seem to find out?'_

"L99k, I'm just really w9rried a69ut y9u. Especially after 9ur last deep talk. I d9n't want y9u t9 d9 s9mething y9u might end up regretting."

"WELL, THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, OKAY? I PROMISED YOU I WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD TO MYSELF. IF I'M GOING TO KEEP A PROMISE TO ANYONE, IT'LL DEFINITELY BE YOU. SO STOP MOPING AROUND. LET'S GO DOING SOMETHING WE ENJOY." _'Good, Karkat, change the subject. Make him forget about it.'_

"9h, alright fine." Kankri and I spent the rest of the time I was in the dream bubble cuddling and watching random stuff. But, mostly cuddling. It was really relaxing and it almost, key word almost, made me forget about my frustration over my research. 

**_~~~~~_ **

A week later and I'm still searching. To be honest, it's slowly making me loose hope. _'No, Karkat. You promised Kankri you wouldn't go down the route he doesn't want, so this is the only way. If I can't find anything, I'll just have to come up with my own plan based off of everything I've learned.'_ Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. _'It won't be long before Kankri starts getting really suspicious and not much longer until Kanaya starts to question me too. So, I best figure something out soon.'_ After a few more hours of non-stop research, I suppose I fell asleep because the next I knew I was in the dream bubble with Kankri's respitblock. Usually, his house was really quite but I heard voices coming from his nutrition block. Sneaking towards the room, I felt bad listening in, but couldn't help myself. 

"N9, Cr9nus. St9p asking. 

"But-"

"Cro+nus, leave him alo+ne." Apparently Porrim was there too. 

"N9 buts, Cr9nus. That is my final w9rd." Kankri seemed to take a breath. "I d9n't even kn9w why y9u're here, y9u kn9w what my answer will 6e. It's always the same. N9w, will y9u please leave s9 I can talk t9 P9rrim in peace."

"Fine, be that vway." Quickly, I hid in the shadows and watched as Cronus left. _'Isn't he Eridan's danscestor? What's he doing talking to Kankri? My Kankri I might add. But, he doesn't know that so I should just ignore it. Whatever he asked Kankri, he got a no, so it shouldn't be a problem.'_

"P9rrim, what am I g9ing t9 d9?" _'What's he talking about?'_ My fears started to get the better of me, but I pushed them away. _'Maybe he'll give a hint or something to what he's talking about.'_ "He refuses t9 tell me what's 6een g9ing 9n with him lately and I really w9rry, I d9." It sounds like he's talking about me...

"I really do+ no+t kno+w, Kankri. I wish I had all o+f the answers, but I do+n't. The o+nly thing I can think o+f is to+ explain that yo+u're wo+rried abo+ut him. Maybe that'll co+nvince him to+ tell yo+u. Lo+o+k, I'd lo+ve to+ stay and help lo+nger but I pro+mised to+ be so+mewhere. I wish Yo+u luck, Kankri." And, with that, I then watched her leave. Pushing their conversation to the back of my head, I walked into the kitchen, pretending like I had just gotten there. 

"9h, hi, Kat. H9w l9ng have y9u 6een here?" He asked.

"HEY KANKRI. AND I JUST GOT HERE, WHY?" 

"9h, n9 reas9n..." 'No reason my butt.' 

"IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT YOU SEEM TENSE OR SOMETHING." 

"Yes, there is s9mething wr9ng, Kat." _'Oh shit oh shit oh shit.'_

"WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?" Kankri had a sad expression on his face and looked as if he was about to cry. _'Did I do this to him? If I did, that would make me the worst matesprit ever.'_ Kankri seemed to try to blink the tears away as he ran towards me and enveloped me in a tight hug.We stood like that for while, in silence. 

Until, Kankri broke it, "I'm s9rry, Kat. I just w9rry s9 much a69ut y9u. I d9n't want t9 frustrate y9u 6y asking y9u s9 much 'what's wr9ng,' but I always feel left 9ut when I d9n't kn9w. 9r, w9rse, that may6e y9u d9n't fully trust me. I want t9 6e the 9ne, the 9nly 9ne, that y9u can tell y9ur pr9blems t9. I kn9w that's selfish 9f me, 6ut I can't help it. Please, Kat, what's 6een g9ing 9n?" 

"WHY ARE YOU THE ONE FUCKING APOLOGIZING? I'M THE BAD MATESPRIT IN ALL OF THIS. I WORRIED YOU TO THE POINT OF CRYING. GEEZ, I'M PROBABLY THE WORST MATESPRIT EVER. I SHOULD BE THE ONE APOLOGIZING FOR MAKING YOU FEEL THIS WAY. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME-" 

"I'm always g9ing t9 w9rry a69ut y9u, Kat. What kind 9f matesprit w9uld I 6e then? In that instance I'd 6e the 6ad matesprit. Y9u're n9t a 6ad matesprit, certainly n9t the w9rst matesprit. In fact, I dare say, y9u are the 6est matesprit ever. Y9u always put my feelings 6ef9re y9urs which is why y9u try n9t t9 tell me what's wr9ng. Trust me, Kat, if I didn't want t9 kn9w what's wr9ng, I w9uldn't ask. S9, will y9u please tell me what's wr9ng?"

"WELL, I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING A LOT, AND IT'S ALL REALLY FRUSTRATING. NOTHING YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT, THOUGH. I PROMISE."

He looked at me, skeptically, "Researching what, exactly?" 

"OH, JUST HOWTOBRINGEVERYONEINTHEDREAMBUBBLESBACKESPECIALLYYOUCAUSEIPROMISEDIWOULDN'THURTMYSELFANDTHISWASTHEONLYOTHERTHINGICOULDTHINKOF. SO YEAH." 

"Kat, that c9uld 6e very dangerous-"

"WELL, I'M READY TO RISK IT IF IT MEANS WE GET TO DEFEAT THIS GAME TOGETHER." 

"9h, Kat. Even th9ugh I d9n't really appr9ve, that's s9 sweet 9f y9u." 

"YEAH, DON'T MENTION IT. SO, MOVIE?" 

"Yes, a m9vie s9unds delightful a69ut n9w." Kankri and I curled up on the couch and watched movies until I woke up. _'I just hope whatever I can come up with, works.'_


	10. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

_'Got it!'_ With all of the research I've done, this should work and, if not, it's gonna be back to the drawing board. Like racing against time, I quickly put my thoughts down in the form of a plan. They were about half-way written down before I felt my eye lids get heavy. Before I knew it, I was in Kankri's hive as usual. 

**_~~~~~_ **

While cuddling on the couch with Kankri, I couldn't help notice how kissable his lips looked. _'Gah, Karkat. You know he isn't going to like that. Just ignore it and pay attention to the fucking movie.'_ However, these thoughts wouldn't go away, even when I awoke. The only thing helping was focusing on getting my plan organized onto paper. 

The more I saw Kankri the stronger these instincts got which meant they were harder to keep away. Alas, Kankri being him, realized pretty quickly that something was bothering me. 

"Kat, is s9mething 69thering y9u?" Kankri asked while we were cuddled up on his couch.

"YEAH, KIND OF." _'He's gonna get it out of me sooner or later, might as well get it over with.'_

"Well, mind telling me what that is?" Kankri's voice came out smooth and caring, as usual. 

"I, UM, WAS THINKING THAT WE, UH, COULD POSSIBLY, YOU KNOW. ONLY IF YOU WANTED TO." Kankri gave me probably the most confused look ever. "IWASTHINKINGTHATMAYBEWECOULDMOVEONTOKISSING, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO." Taking in a breath that I didn't know I was holding, I waited for Kankri to reply but was stunned almost frozen when his soft lips connected with my chapped ones. Quickly, I kissed back, as if I didn't do it fast enough, he'd pull away and the chance will have passed. The kiss was short yet sweet. Once he pulled away, I had to fight back the urge to touch where his lips just were on mine. "WOW, I DID NOT EXPECT THAT." 

"Why n9t? Y9u are my matesprit, Kat." _'Kankri did have a point.'_  

"I KNOW THAT, I JUST ASSUMED YOU'D PROBABLY WANT TO WAIT UNTIL YOU WERE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH ME OR SOMETHING." 

"First 9ff, never assume anything. Sec9nd, if I'm c9mf9rta6le with any9ne, it's y9u." I could feel my face heat up at that. 

"I'M COMFORTABLE WITH YOU, TOO." 

**_~~~~~_ **

My plans were all laid out and I desperately wanted to show Kankri. _'But how?'_ They only exist in the waking world. _'Maybe if I'm holding them when I fall asleep?'_ To be honest, I don't know if it'll work but it's worth a shot. To my surprise, it worked and I spent the majority of my time there explaining my plans to Kankri. 

"It s9unds like a g99d plan, Kat. Plus, it may actually w9rk. N9t that I d9u6ted y9u anyways." I smiled triumphantly at Kankri. Next step is to get everyone we want to bring back on board with the plans. _'I really really hope this all works out. I don't know how else we'd accomplish any of this.'_


	11. Set Into Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Today was the day that Kankri and I had the task to tell everyone in the dream bubbles the plan to bring them back to the waking world. Kankri may not love the idea, but he trusts and believes in me, that's enough to help me through this. The fact that he will be by my side no matter what. To be honest, I was nervous but I did my best to hide it. _'It's okay, just be confident in what you say and everything will go just fine.'_ Somehow, we got everyone grouped together into one dream bubble. It's always surprising what Kankri can convince people to do.

"20, what are we here for?" Sollux asked when everyone was grouped together.

"We're here t9 talk a69ut Kat's plan. N9w shush, please." Kankri replied.

"KANKRI, YOU ARE WAY TOO POLITE TO HIM." I started. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE I-WE HAVE GATHERED EVERYONE HERE TODAY FOR A VERY IMPORTANT REASON. THAT REASON IS FOR ME TO TELL YOU ALL MY AWESOME PLAN TO BRING EVERYONE OF YOU SHITS-PEOPLE BACK TO THE WAKING WORLD. YAY. I HAVE EVERYTHING WRITTEN DOWN AND I HAVE RAN THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG AND FILLED ANY AND ALL WHOLES WITHIN THIS PLAN."

"Ho+w do+ we kno+w this will wo+rk?" Porrim asked.

"We d9n't kn9w f9r sure 100% that it will unless we try it 9ut. And, if it d9esn't, we'll all just have t9 figure s9mething else 9ut. 6ut, I d9 have my faith in Karkat that either it will w9rk 9r he'll figure 9ut a way to make it s9. Wh9's with us?"

"I say it's wo+rth a sho+t."

"2ure, why n0t." There was a collection of the rest of them nodding their heads.

"WELL, IT'S SETTLED THEN. LET'S ALL GET TO WORK." I said after a moment, satisfied with how their reactions turned out.

**_~~~~~_ **

Everything was going smoothly so far, everyone was doing what I assigned and no one was fighting. _'This might actually go a whole lot better than I had hoped.'_ Everything was finally look brighter for the future. Especially if this thing works out.

"Well, l99k at that, Kat. Y9u s9meh9w managed t9 get every9ne t9 w9rk t9gether with9ut much fuss and n9 9ne is fighting either. N9t even with th9se they usually fight with. I am very pr9ud 9f y9u. N9t that I wasn't always pr9ud 9f y9u, 6ut I'm even m9re s9 n9w." Kankri said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"THANKS, KANKRI. IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. AS LONG AS EVERYTHING CONTINUES LIKE THIS, WE'LL HAVE VERY LITTLE TO WORRY ABOUT." Wrapping an arm around him as well, I gave him a genuine smile. _'I just hope the rest of the plan move along in the same way, and just as smoothly.'_

"When y9u put y9ur mind t9 it, Kat, y9u can d9 anything. Even if y9u d9n't believe y9u can, I d9. I really d9 believe in y9u." Kankri returned the smile before we both set off to check on everyone.


	12. Everything Comes Together?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

Making sure everything was going according to plan, I caught a glimpse of Kankri helping out others. _'He's so cute, like oh my gog.'_ Shaking the thoughts from my head, I did my best to get back to work and nothing else. _'Be careful Karkat, don't make it obvious to everyone else.'_ The rest of the time in the dream bubble went well. Calling it for now, Kankri and I headed to his hive until I awoke.

"Y9u kn9w, Kat, I think it may 6e 6est t9 tell every9ne a69ut us. If y9u're 9kay with it, that is." Kankri brought up when we were sitting on his couch. _'Oh no, this is what I wanted to avoid.'_

"I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, KANNY." I replied, hoping Kankri would drop it.

"Why's that, Kat?" Kankri asked. _'Gog fucking dammit.'_

"IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM GOOD."

"Is that all?"

"YEP." _Lie_

**_~~~~~_ **

The plan was still moving smoothly and I'd say it's close to being accomplished.

"OKAY, EVERYONE. I THINK WE ARE CLOSE TO DONE, SO WE'LL FINISH UP 'TOMORROW.'" Everyone started heading to their own places and Kankri came towards me. Giving him a smile, he returned one and we walked back to his hive.

Sitting in Kankri's respitblock, Kankri asks me, "S9mething seems t9 6e 69thering y9u, Kat."

"NO-MAYBE-...YES." Sighing, I cursed my mouth.

"Well, what's wr9ng?"

"WELL, THE REAL REASON I DIDN'T WANT TO ADVERTISE OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYONE ELSE IS B-BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS GONNA TURN ON US AND THAT NO ONE WILL ACCEPT US." I twiddled my thumbs throwout saying this.

"9h, Kat. Th9se wh9 are true w9n't care and any9ne wh9 thinks negatively 9f us f9r it were never real friends." Kankri pulled me into a tight hug.

"I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT LET'S WAIT UNTIL AFTER WE'VE GOTTEN EVERYONE BACK, OKAY?" I was hesitant to do something like this, but maybe the blow wouldn't be as bad if we ended up getting everyone back.

"I am right. And, 9f c9urse we can."

**_~~~~~_ **

Everyone pooled their powers together to get what we wanted. After much concentration, everything went white. When I could see again, everyone was in the waking world. Kanaya, Rose, and all of them came out to the main block.

Upon seeing everyone, Kanaya asked, "Did You Do All Of This, Karkat?"

"WELL, I SURE HELPED." I replied.

"And came up with the w9nderful plan if I d9 say s9 myself." Kankri wrapped his arm around me with a very proud look on his face.

"Now we can all fiiniish thii2 game t0gether." Sollux said after a moment.

"That is co+rrect." Porrim replied.

"Porrim?!" Kanaya exclaimed, having apparently not noticing her before.

"Hello+ Danscesto+r." Porrim replied.

"This is just marvellous." Rose spoke for the first time. Everybody celebrated for as long as we could. Soon, though, everyone was tired and we all began to wonder if the dream bubbles will still feel the same as now we can only see other timelines. However, before we all decided to turn in, Kankri did what I feared he would.

"I have an ann9uncement t9 make, if y9u all will listen up." Everyone turned to pay attention to what Kankri had to say. Pulling me near him, Kankri continued, "Kat and I are matesprits. I h9pe that d9esn't trigger any9ne. Thank y9u. Y9u may all rest n9w if y9u wish."

"That's c00l II 2upp0se. II'm g0iing two 2leep." With that, Sollux headed off somewhere.

"If it makes yo+u happy, it makes me happy."

"Yeah, plus you tvwo vwere the ones to bring us back, so vwhatever you vwanna do is up to you." Everyone nodded in agreement before standing and leaving the main block.

"I'm Proud Of You, Karkat." Kanaya whispered in my ear as she went by. Smiling, I finally felt accomplished. However, we still have the rest of the game to beat. Getting cozy in my recupracoon, snuggling with Kankri, my last thought before drifting to sleep was, _'At least now I can beat it with Kankri.'_


	13. Loss of Hope [Alt Ending]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

_Nothing, nothing, and nothing._ I'm starting to think maybe I'll never be able to pull this off. Sighing, I ran my hands through hair in a stressed out manner. Going back to scrolling for a while, I eventually doze off. Walking into the main block of Kankri's hive, I noticed Kankri right away. 

"Hell9, Kat." Kankri greeted almost right away. 

"HEY." I replied as I went over and hugged Kankri from behind. 

Resting my chin on his shoulder, Kankri asked, "Are y9u 9kay, Kat? Y9u seem a 6it m9re clingy than usual." 

"YEAH, FINE." _Lie_

"H9w's the research g9ing?" 

"I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. CAN WE JUST WATCH A MOVIE INSTEAD?" If Kankri could see my eyes, there'd almost certainly be a pleading look in them. 

"If that's what y9u want t9 d9." _Phew._ Sitting on his couch, I waited as Kankri put the movie in before snuggling up with him. _'I just hope he doesn't ask again unless I have something to show for everything I've been trying to do.'_ It wasn't long before I awoke in the waking world again. Sighing, I set back to looking. _'I won't give up until there's nothing left to look for.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

It's been almost a month and I haven't found anything viable. I have to say, my hope was really dwindling. Slowly falling asleep at my husktop as usual, I forced myself to actually sleep in my recupracoon for once. Stretching my back out, it felt much better than it had in a while. Sliding into my recupracoon, I was asleep in minutes. Upon appearing in Kankri's hive in a dream bubble, he wasn't in the main block, so I decided to check his respitblock. Sure enough, he was in there, surprisingly asleep. He was never asleep whenever I was here before. _'Odd.'_ Not wanting to disturb him, I headed make to where I had appeared in the bubble and started watching some random shit that looked interesting. After what felt like forever, but was, I think, only two hours, I heard Kankri coming down the stairs towards where I was. _'Oh my gog, he was so cute having just woken up.'_ Kankri stopped mid-step when he noticed me. 

"9h, h9w l9ng have y9u 6een here, Kat?" Kankri asked.

"ABOUT 2 HOURS OR SO." 

"9h, well why didn't y9u wake me?"

"I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU." 

"I see. Have y9u 6een 69red since y9u g9t here?" 

"WELL, I HAVE BEEN KEEPING MYSELF BUSY IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN." 

"G99d." Sitting next to me, Kankri wrapped his arms around me. "Kat, there seems t9 6e s9mething 69thering y9u. Mind telling me what that is?" _'Damn, he get's me all of the time.'_

"YEAH, I SUPPOSE THERE HAS BEEN..." 

"Well, what is it?" 

"WELL, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR SO LONG AND I HAVEN'T FOUND A DAMN THING BESIDES GOING GOD TIER WHICH NONE OF YOU CAN DO BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL ALREADY DEAD. I DON'T KNOW, KANKRI, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL KIND OF HOPELESS."

"9h, Kat... N9thing is ever h9peless. May6e y9u just haven't f9und what y9u're l99king f9r."

YEAH, MAYBE." Sighing, Kankri didn't make the whole thing feel any better, which was weird because he usually makes everything all better. 

"Hey Kat, everything will w9rk itself 9ut, pr9mise." Kankri gave me that smile of his that makes me smile back even when I don't want to. "Hey, l99k at me, in the eyes." 

"WHY?" I asked as I jerked my head towards him. Eyes going wide as soft lips locked with my chapped ones. Thinking, _'Did Kankri just do that? Or is this a dream?'_ I kissed back. It was a short and sweet kiss, but more than what I could ask for. Pulling away, Kankri looked really flustered. 

"S9rry, Kat. I sh9uld n9t have d9ne that with9ut asking first. I really h9pe I didn't trigger y9u at all." 

"IT'S REALLY OKAY, KANNY. I LIKED IT." 

"Are y9u sure y9u d9n't feel pressured in anyway? 9r may6e like-" I cut Kankri off by kissing him. 

Pulling away, I replied, "IT IS REALLY OKAY, KANNY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE." 

"Well, 9kay. If y9u insist." Smiling at each other, the only thing I could think was, _'How did I ever do anything at all without this troll in my life.'_


	14. The Writing on His Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

After a couple of months, I still couldn't find anything. Sitting at my husktop, my eyes suddenly started to get watery. _'It's okay, Karkat. Kankri promised that everything would work out and be okay in the end. -But, does he really knows what's in store? What if it isn't? -No. I have to think positive. I promised I wouldn't harm myself. -Even if there feels like there's no other option?'_ Shaking my head to rid myself of the horrid thoughts, I rose from my chair and dragged myself to my recupracoon. _'It's okay, everything won't feel as helpless with Kankri. He makes everything better. I need to see him and that's what I'm going to do.'_ Tossing and turning for what felt like forever, I finally started to doze off.  Walking through Kankri's hive, I found him in the living block on the couch. However, he seemed off somehow. 

"HEY KANNY." Kankri jumped slightly at my voice, as if he was starting to doze off. 

"Hell9 Kat. H9w are y9u t9day?" Kankri asked after regaining himself. 

"FINE." Walking over, I sat next to him and snuggled up with him. It wasn't long before his breathing evened out and he was sleeping. _'Why has he been so tired lately? Should I ask him about it or should I wait until he mentions something? Are any of those even good ideas? Why am I suddenly so undecided?'_ Realizing that it'll probably be a while until he wakes up, I move us both in a comfortable position and go to sleep in the dream bubble with Kankri in my arms. I must have slept through the whole time I was there because next I knew it, I had awoken in the waking world a few hours after going to sleep. _'Gog, sleeping with him is so comfy. I wish I could do that every night.'_

**_~~~~~_ **

It's been a few days since I fell asleep with Kankri in the dream bubble and my mood had only been getting more and more depressing. _'I don't get it, most of my time I spend with Kankri, so I should be feeling happy not shitty. -But, then again all I can think about besides him is wanting to be with him all of the time and I can't because I'm in the waking world. -No, Karkat you promised. -But. -No!'_ Sitting in front of my husktop, I put something on to distract myself with. However, it didn't seem like it was going to work very well. _'It's not like anyone would truly miss me besides Kanaya. And I'm sure she'll get over it quick because she has Rose. No one else cares. -But Kankri would be mad. -Yeah, but I could see him all of the time then. -He may never forgive me. -But he loves me last I knew. So, I could probably convince him, easily, to forgive me. -Everyone may be trapped in the game forever if I don't help out. -They don't really care about me though so they wouldn't care if I helped or not. I mean, I am pretty much the shittiest failed leader ever so I kind of deserve it.'_ These long arguments just kept going on in my head and the side that could end me seemed to be winning. Forcing myself to sleep once in my recupracoon, I didn't trust myself to be awake any longer. 

**_~~~~~_ **

Unfortunately, I eventually had to wake up. However, Kankri didn't notice anything really wrong with me. Then again, waking up only made the thoughts going through my brain amplify by like infinity. It was then that I was going to do something I'd possibly regret... Once washed, I sat in front of my husktop with paper and a writing utensil. After many failed attempts and paper balls later, I had it written how I wanted it. However, I just barely noticed that it have been over a day and I had missed meeting up with Kankri. 'Oh well, he'll see me soon enough.' 

_To whoever even fucking cares,_

            _I'm not going to apologize because I'm the idiot who did this to himself and I don't deserve any of your empathy or pity or what-fucking-ever. I hope you all have a good time finishing the game, I hope all of you nookwhifs accomplish it and go on to be happy. I'm happy where I'm going to end up so yeah. Anyways, bye._

                                                                                                                                                        _From,_ _  
_

_Karkat ('Screw-up') Vantas_

Leaving it on my desk, I alchemised some deadly shit. I don't even know what it is, but there's no way I'm going to do this in a way that those fucktards can see my ugly blood color. Taking whatever it was, I slid against my door. It wasn't long before the world went black. 

**_~Kankri~_ **

Pacing back and fourth, my mind was racing. _'What if something happened? What if Karkat was out there alone? What if he just simply felt alone? What if I did something to upset him? Where could he be?'_ Turning around to walk back that way, a figure stood in front of me. It was Karkat. 

"Hey Kat-" He turned around. 


	15. White Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat lashes out at Kankri in a dream bubble and instantly feels bad about it. Karkat, feeling like he has no hope of getting Kankri to forgive him, shuts everyone out and attempts to never go to sleep again. With many other problems arising on top of this one, Karkat feels trapped and only speaks to shout at the people on the meteor. This causes him to loose his moirail for good and the thought that sleeping forever may be the only way he'll get any peace.

**~Karkat~**

"Hey Kat-" I turned around to meet Kankri's always white eyes. I bet mine were just the same now. "N9. Tell me it isn't true, Kat." Kankri was the saddest I had ever seen him. 

"COME HERE." Grabbing Kankri into a tight hug to comfort him, I continued in a lower voice, "I did, I'm so sorry Kanny. I just needed to be with you more than anything." 

"I f9rgive y9u, Kat. With all 9f my heart. I c9uld never stay mad or upset with y9u in anyway. I l9ve y9u s9 s9 much." 

"I love you, too Kanny." We shared a sweet kiss and spent the rest of this sinking in, cuddling. _'Now I can be with you forever, Kankri.'_

 

 

**_15 Days of Christmas (some will be random and probably not correct xD):_ **

**_15 Chapters_  
14 Problems that Arose  
13 Serious Kanayas  
12 Worrying Kankris  
11 Done Karkats  
10 Sadstuck Scenes  
9 Depressed Karkats  
8 Hopeful Eyes  
7 Thankful Ears  
6 Caring Porrims  
5 Main Places  
4 Bigger Characters  
3 Solluxs  
2 Endings  
1 Completely Random Cronus**

 

**_MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL (Who celebrate it)_  
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE  
HAVE A LOVELY NEW YEAR  
HOPE YOU ENJOYED  
MORE VANTASCEST FANFICTIONS TO COME IN THE FUTURE AMONG OTHERS  
AND A VERY GOOD NIGHT!!!**

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if anyone is a little out of character, I'm trying my best


End file.
